5 Parenting Conversations You Need to Have Before Your Baby Arrives

They say that the first few months parenting a newborn are all about happiness, check-ups, introductions, sleep deprivation, stress, and time management. It’s a good, hard time and people going through it are asked to make a lot of decisions. Some are about meals and products. Others are aboutparenting strategies and financial priorities. I think the truth is that with the emotional pressures at play, people often make more complicated decisions with diminished access to their logical facilities. It is better, therefore, to make whatever decisions can be made prior to the birth of a baby prior to the birth of the baby. It’s a classic case of “the sooner the better.” Thankfully, Jared and I discussed these beforehand and made solid plans, so nothing got left off the table or fell on the shoulder of one parent.

Here are the decisions that new parents are likely to face after birth if they’re not proactive during pregnancy.

Parental Leave

Depending on their employment and benefits, parents generally have to make a decision about how much time they plan to take off before the arrival of their child. That being said, it’s easy to make a non-decision version of that decision - “I’ll take a few weeks” - rather than coming up with a concrete plan. It’s helpful to think about not just time off, but also the process of returning to work, which can be time consuming, and the extent to which you plan to engage while on leave. Some parents may be home physically but engaged with work via email. There’s nothing wrong with that unless that person’s partner has different expectations. Set the rules of leave early so nobody feels like they are carrying more weight than the other person. 

Visitor Schedules and Volunteer Help

A firstborn will arrive to great fanfare from friends and family. That means visitors! Coordinating visitors and help is not something new parents will want to do. Some parents will often delegate the duties of guest and volunteer help wrangling to a trusted friend. It’s important to sort out the details as far ahead as possible. Also, couples should keep in mind that people will want to help. Let them!

Working Nights 

Both parents will ultimately end up on the wrong side of sleep debt. But there are ways to be more egalitarian about post-baby sleep deprivation. Some couples might alternate “on-duty” nights, for instance, while others may simply opt for dad to always work the night shift. Other couples split the night in half, giving one person late night duty and the other early morning duty. The ideal method is entirely based on what works for the parents. The biggest consideration is making sure everyone is on the same page the first-night baby comes home. Yes, the schedule can and should shift based on need. But it should start out as a solid plan that doesn’t completely rest on the shoulders of a new mom. 

Parenting Duties

 Division of labor is crucial! These are the tasks that are distinct from late night feedings and diaper changes. Hashing out what each parent will be responsible for especially helps fathers feel more involved in the early months when mom and baby are connected at the boob. So before the kid arrives, figure out whose making meals, doing dishes, grocery shopping, tidying and, of course, changing diapers.

Understanding how to tackle that last chore is key. Some dads take all the diapers during the day, or when they’re home. Some couples split them. It doesn’t really matter as long as it’s codified. The phrase “but I did it last time” has led to more arguments than can possibly be counted.

Disciplining Your Children

I’m talking early discipline. Spanking, raising your voice, time outs, etc. It’s helpful to discuss how each of you were raised and what you did, or did not like about the discipline your parents had with you. Also good to note if one parent or both will be disciplinary with the children.

Though this list is helpful in opening your mind to the unknown, there are still a ton of unknown topics you will have to face together. Remember that you must talk about these differences, preferably privately. If you disagree about something, you must find a middle ground. It’s okay to not know what to do, but you never want your kids to see you as anything but a unified front. I’m not joking, kids will know if the parents aren’t unified. We exploited that to get what we wanted when I was growing up.